Couples Counseling
It’s never about the dishes. It’s also not (only) about communication skills. The 3 most common areas where couples are challenged: Money, Power and Sex. As we dig deeper, we find that behind these struggles we run into our own egos and personalities, that way of living our life that we’ve fought and forged for since we were kids and which we strongly identify with. That’s just who I am! Or is it? What lives behind that?
Traditional marriage achieved stability through function: each partner doing prescribed societal roles. Romantic marriage sought to bring forward the heart, feelings and the power of choosing our partners (once and again). Yet it is only recently in our modern history where gender-equality, diversity and egalitarian values have become present that we can forge a new type of relationship.
My approach to couples counseling is one of psycho-spiritual growth. I invite each of you to embark on the journey of forging a deep conscious relationship. I believe that behind the dishes, money, power, sex and even our own egos lies something deeper and unique. In relationship we have the unique opportunity of bringing this forward, that is, healing our wounded hearts, opening up to our vulnerabilities and treading a common path from this place.
I work with straight, LGBTQ and interracial couples. In our sessions I will hold many roles for you: mediator, translator, referee, common enemy, common friend, confidant and guide. Wherever you are on your path: exploring, joyous or heartbroken, I invite you both to work together with me.
Counseling Fees:
50 min session: $200
80 min session: $240
modalitieS
Pre-Marital
This is a place for preparation. When pondering marriage so much of our time, energy and budget can go into planning a wedding ceremony and reception. Sometimes the deeper things, like your wedding vows, can get lost in the process. It can also be one of the most stressful times in your life and bring back old heart wounds.
I invite couples who are considering marriage to a 12 session guided exploration that includes:
Learning compassionate communication (NVC)
Double Proposal & the Engagement time
Looking into the big 3 (Power, Sex, Money)
Addressing and holding family of origin
Writing vows from the heart
In nature pre-martial ritual
Post wedding integration
This is an exciting process you are stepping into and I’m honored to sit with you and provide guidance and support through it.
Spiritual Growth
Our relationship is a gift of intimacy, depth and spiritual awakening. Who knows us as well as our partner, who else can hold, care, desire, trigger and hurt us so deeply?
Here are some of the things I invite couples to explore in this modality:
discovering your own ego
intention setting
the relationship check-in
making space for the sacred
healing wounds and forgiveness
giving back to the world
This work is based on the teachings of the late John Welwood (“Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships”, “Love and Awakening”).
conflict resolution
Perhaps you are heartbroken right now and considering ending your relationship. Maybe you’ve said or done painful things. Maybe after many years of stagnation feel sad and unfulfilled. In this process I will invite both of you to the following:
work with compassionate communication (NVC)
clarify sources of conflict and pain
voice current feelings and needs
assess your choices
create ritual to mark this transition
I trust that if each of you come to this place with a good heart, there will be more clarity and peace for each of you. Even if your source of conflict leads to a decision to separate, you can do this in a mindful way that minimizes suffering for you and your family.
Here are two films that portray married couples dealing with conflict which I highly recommend:
If you are working through infidelity I recommend Esther Perel’s latest book: The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. She also has a TED Talk on this topic.